Masturbating

I am 15 years old girl. Alhamdulliah I wear a hijab whenever I go out. My problem is that I masturbate, and I feel extremely guilty about it because I know it's wrong but I still can't stop myself. Whenever I go out even though i'm covered I still want the boys to look at me (I know it's very wrong). Whenever I stand in front of the mirror I think that I'm so pretty. I don't know I really want to get close to Allah but I fail every time. I don't feel like praying, I am always tired. I don't know if it's right to say but I hate myself, I hate the fact that I'm alive. I am nothing but a shame. I really want to get close to Allah. I am so scared every time that what if I die suddenly, Allah is never going to forgive me. I don't even know how to explain all my feelings to you. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say because it's impossible to express my feelings.